Ironically Loveless
by DamselInDistress64
Summary: BREAKING DAWN- Dramatic sequel to Virtually Painless. Edward is ready to fight to the end for Bella, but who will Bella choose in the end? Tensions erupt between the Cullen's, and drastic repercussions ensue. Please R&R!
1. The New Plan

Heyy!! Here's your sequel to Virtually Painless, sorry that this chapter's kinda short, they're not all this short :)

This sequel is **very** dramatic, I'm so excited to write it!

I do not own anything, Stephenie Meyer does. She rocks!

NOTE- DON'T READ THIS IF YOU HAVE NOT READ MY OTHER STORY, VIRTUALLY PAINLESS.YOU WON'T GET IT!

Please review!

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_**Edward,**_

_**I believe that the last time I wrote you a letter like this, I was off the face my death in order to save the ones that I love. Well, you don't need to worry about my health; I'm not doing anything stupid this time. I'm merely taking a much needed trip to clear my head, to get away from the growing tension. But this time, I'm not sure I can save all of the people that I love. This time, I've realized that I am the danger. I inflict so much unintentional pain, and you may beg to differ, but it's true.**_

_**By the time I return, I hope to have some grasp on my future. I'm sorry that there is a choice for me to make at all, but my feelings for Jacob are unavoidable. I don't think anyone knows how guilty, dirty, and rotten I feel. I wish my feelings were different, but at the same time, I'd loose someone that I care for dearly as well. I am so utterly sorry.**_

_**But I just wanted to tell you that no matter what path I take, I love you. I never lied, not for one second, when we exchanged our vows. You are a beautiful person, inside and out.**_

_**I didn't mean for this to sound like a goodbye, because it isn't. If this mess comes to a true goodbye, I will make sure that it is face to face. You deserve much more than a letter, so much more.**_

_**I'll see you soon. I love you.**_

_**Bella**_

And so it was over. Just like that.

I couldn't get mad at Jacob. However much my irrational, hot-tempered side of my brain wanted to blame this mess on him, I wouldn't do it. The fault was not his.

And Bella, she was the bystander in this situation. I had made the agreement to impregnate her behind her back. The results were ruled by her heart, not her mind.

So it was my fault. I was loosing Bella, the beautiful love of my existence, and it was all my fault.

I could just imagine Bella's face right now, if she could hear my thoughts. She'd frown, her face upset and slightly impatient, her lips set into a pout.

"_You always find a way to blame it on yourself, Edward, always! It's not your fault, Edward,"_ she would say, always stubborn. But she couldn't wrap her mind around the inevitable fact that it was my fault. It always came down to me.

What was the _matter _with me?

I crumpled the letter in my hand, and tensely released it, sprinkling confetti onto the carpet of my room. A millisecond later, I regretted it. That might be the last remnants of Bella's love for me…

Machoistic vampire that I was, I fleetingly thought of taping it. I barely had pride anymore, so what was there to lose?

But I didn't. The pain and guilt were suddenly creeping up on me, and I found that I could barely move.

Sitting down on my bed, I stared dejectedly at the scattered paper remnants, slowly being consumed with dread and anguish. The pain had been slowly eating at me ever since I made the deal with Jacob. It had just been grazing on me at first, but now that everything was falling apart, it took large chunks of me at a time.

I ran over the last few months in my head listlessly. Was it something I had said or done to make her pull away? To turn in the other direction and start to look at Jacob in a new light? It was so hard to believe that this was happening, at what was supposed to be the happiest time in our lives.

I suddenly felt very compressed, like the room wasn't big enough for my emotions. I considered pacing, but what good would that do me? I doubted that answers would come either way.

What was it about Jacob Black that made her so attached to him? I found him helpful, but slightly annoying and arrogant at times. What did he have that I didn't?

No. Comparing myself to others wasn't going to help, and besides, it was a low and petty thing to do. I was so absurdly vain.

Still, though, I couldn't help but guiltily wonder. Was it his human-like qualities that Bella craved? Or perhaps the fact that he wasn't a danger to her?

I almost snorted out loud. What was I thinking? Bella loved danger.

Or maybe… it was my tactics.

Yes, of course! I always played the understanding, patient one in the tough situations. Didn't she always say that I was too nice to her sometimes?

Fair enough. I never liked to put Bella in any kind of situation that would upset her. Jacob Black had a completely different strategy than I did. He always voiced his emotions, did what he wanted, and most of all, he fought hard. Sometimes he gave Bella a good kick when she needed one, as well.

I always said that I was fighting twice as hard for her, but was I really? I took her for granted as _mine._

I sat up a bit straighter, the overwhelming pain ebbing, replaced with a new determination. If this was what I had to do to redeem myself in Bella's eyes, then so be it.

So now things would turn around. For better or for worse, I had no idea. But I was getting desperate. Bella belonged to me mentally, physically, and legally. I'd fight for her, and now I wouldn't play things safe.

I remembered what Carlisle had once told me, when I first became attached to Bella- '_If you play things on the safe side, you will produce an ordinary outcome. Take a chance, and things will start to transform.'_

Well, no more Mr. Nice Guy, then. Jacob Black was going to get a run for his money.

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**Well, then! Haha. So now that Edward's all set to go... :) please review. Hope ya liked it!**


	2. Returning Home Surprises

**Hello! So this chapter is... interesting. But it was kind of something that I had to do to get to another part in the story. Like a filler chapter. I know some might not be happy... but things aren't going to stay like this, Jacob fans, so no worries. Here is the second chapter of Ironically Loveless-please review!**

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Rolling waves. Sandy beach. Warm, breezy wind playing with my hair. All of this inspirational scenery was in front of me, so why wasn't I coming up with answers?

Groaning, I threw myself back onto my beach towel, arms splayed and staring up at the white-clouded sky. This was so frustrating.

The whole time I had been here, I had sort of been hoping I'd be hit with an epiphany. Miraculously, I would find the answers to all of my worries, to all of my unsolved questions. But that sudden realization had yet to come.

Coming up to my father's old lake house had been a welcome relief from the tension, but I couldn't run away forever. People were expecting me to find answers up here, and try as I may, answers weren't coming. Every scenario I thought of, every situation I imagined was tainted with loss. I must have thought of a hundred ways to solve this problem, but each one had a flaw of its own. Someone was always left ironically loveless.

At what point was this madness supposed to end?

I could leave. I could just walk away, leave my life in Forks behind, and move back up to Jacksonville. Turn over a new leaf, and try to forget.

But that wasn't going to happen. There was no way that I could just leave. I would never, ever forget Forks, and all of the memories it held for me. Besides, no one would be happy in that scenario except for my mother. And she had Phil, anyways.

Inhaling through my nose, I sat up again, slowly, so I wouldn't get a heat rush.

It had been three days already, and still nothing. Nothing but confusion and a big heap of guilt. At what point should I just give up trying to decide?

Well, if answers hadn't come now, they probably wouldn't come for awhile. So there was no point in me staying here any longer, then.

Getting to my feet, I spared a last glance at the water as I collected my things and started heading back toward the house.

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"Edward, she's coming back tonight."

Relief washed through me, and I set down my book, immediately interested and anxious for more information. Bella was safe, she was coming home…Alice rolled her eyes at me, crossing her skinny arms.

_You have __**so **__lost your edge._

I growled at her, though I could hardly blame her. It was true- nowadays, I was just pathetically desperate. But my pride was mostly out of the window at this point, so I let her little thought go.

"What time?" I asked, trying to cover my excitement and sound offhanded. She snorted delicately, not buying it, and zoned out for a second.

"She'll be pulling into her driveway at seven-thirty on the dot. You're lucky tonight- she was lonely being away from you." My chest almost swelled with happiness- so maybe she had decided that she was going to stay with me. At least she still had romantic feelings for me.

I suddenly interpreted something that Alice had said. "You said… I'll be lucky? What…"

She stared at me, with an expression that said do-you-really-need-me-to-spell-it-out-for-you. I might have blushed if that would have been possible. Ah. She mean lucky in _that_ way. It was slightly embarrassing when she could see personal things like that.

"I see."

"Yeah." She rolled her eyes again. "You can take my Porsche; it's faster."

Now she _really_ wasn't making any sense. "What are you talking about, Alice?"

She inhaled slowly, shaking her head. "Why must you make me say this… Edward, you remember what happened last time you did it with Bella. You need protection now."

I tensed slightly. Why was I such an idiot? Of course we would need that now…

I heard Emmett chuckle from upstairs, and I considered going up there and giving him a good whack over the head. But I resisted.

_Oooh, boy. Edward buying condoms. That is something I'd pay money to see…_

I snarled under my breath in response to Emmett's thoughts, my hand curling into a fist. Standing up, I took the keys from Alice's hand, and stalked out of the front door, humiliated.

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Pulling into the driveway, I was surprised to see the porch lights on. Wasn't Charlie supposed to be working a late shift?

Parking the car, I opened the door, and dragged out my luggage, struggling with the handle. Well, if he was home, then I wouldn't be seeing Edward for awhile. Maybe that was a good thing at this point, since I was still undecided. But then again, I realized that I was a bit lonely. It had been awhile since I had fallen asleep in his arms.

Now that I realized my homesickness, I was anxious to get inside, so I could get my nighttime chat with Charlie over. Edward must be anxious, since I left without a word, and only a haphazardly written letter.

Testing the front door, I apprehend that it was unlocked. Not completely surprised, I let myself in. The kitchen light was on, but no one was there. I frowned, dropping my bags in the front hall and looking around.

"Dad?" I called out, flipping on the living room light. Hm. Strange. No one was th-

I felt a strong pair of arms wind around my waist, cool as ice, and I almost melted with reprieve. So it was Edward that had come to greet me.

Silently, I turned around in his arms, and reached up to kiss him. He tightened his arm around my waist, and he responded with a serious kind of passion, seemingly desperate for contact, just like I was. It had been too long a time since I had kissed his lips, and it felt perfect.

Twining my hands in his silky hair, I found myself pulling my legs up to wrap them around his waist. He guided me across the room, and into the sitting room, laying me down on my back and balancing himself on top of me.

The lonesome feelings overshadowed my thoughts that were saying _don't do it! You haven't made a real decision yet! _But I couldn't help myself; I pulled him closer, and I parted his lips with mine. He started to undress me, pulling my cotton shirt over my head and unhooking my bra, slipping his icy hands under the material. I shuddered at the temperature, but really, I didn't care.

Ten minutes later, through my haze of passion, I faintly realized that we couldn't go all the way, and my body was immensely disappointed.

"Edward…" I murmured against his lips, not letting go of him quite yet. "We can't do this…"

"Yes we can," he murmured back, his voice low and velvety in the dark. "I bought some condoms earlier." I heard the rustling of a plastic bag, and the ripping of a box.

So Alice must have forewarned him. Right now, I really couldn't feel the embarrassment.

I heard the faint noise of the rubber being slipped on, and I trembled with anticipation.

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**Please review :) hope you enjoyed**


	3. Fights and Insight

**Hey! Sorry, I knew this chapter is a little slow but next chapter is definitely better for all of us Jacob fans :) :)**

**Please enjoy, please review!**

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"Alice, I said I was sorry!"

"And I heard you Bella, but that was just a stupid thing to do!" Alice retorted, folding her slender arms across her chest, glaring at me. I sighed, and put my fingers to my temples; Alice hadn't exactly approved of me running off to my lake house like that. I didn't blame her- from her perspective, it would look completely cowardly and naive. But she just didn't understand my need to clear my head and try my hardest to make things right. A far as she was concerned, there shouldn't be so much thought process in this whole ordeal. It just wasn't that easy.

"You don't understand, so I don't think you should be calling me out for cowardly," I mumbled, looking away and playing with the large pillows that adorned the Cullen's loveseat. Alice stood in front of me, in full confrontation mode.

"I don't understand? That just sounds so babyish, Bella, the hell with your moodiness!" She huffed, looking like she wanted to throw something at me. I scowled back, my temper flaring.

"Well, it's true, you have no idea what I'm going through right now! Do you think I like having to make these decisions? I don't run away for the fun of it, Alice, I had to clear my head so I could set some things straight!" I said, raising my voice. "It's not just all peaches and cream, so I can't exactly help being moody!"

Alice's nostrils flared slightly, her dark eyes flashing. "You have no idea what it's like to be in a jam, Bella, that's all I'm saying. This is nothing compared to what I've had to do." She leaned away slightly, like she had won this fight or something. This just made me angrier; oh, so she knew all about this then, huh?

"Well, I see that you know everything about this, Alice," I clipped, my tone unfriendly, "So you just know everything about pain? Everything about suffering, and having to make a choice that could affect someone's life permanently! It's not that frickin' easy, Alice, I have a person's happiness in my hands!" I inhaled through my nose very slowly, trying to control my temper.

She rolled her eyes at me, and put her hands on her skinny hips. "Oh, boo-hoo, Bella, you're so melodramatic sometimes, you know that? Just do what makes you happy and let the chips fall where they may!"

Boo-hoo? _Boo-hoo? _Was she _serious?_ Did she not _care_ for her brother's feelings?

I stood up, needing to go. "Alice, I thought you really were more mature than this," I snarled, and attempted to get around her, but she moved in front of me, blocking my path. How annoying.

"Oh, walking out when the going get's tough again, huh Bella? I really thought you were more mature than that," Alice reprimanded me, repeating my own words. I snorted, and made another move to get by. She let me go this time, and fleetingly she looked wistful, as if she wished that she had gone easier on me. I didn't need her pity right now; I stalked out of the room and out of the door, not stopping until I was in my car and pulling out of their driveway, glaring angrily at nothing in particular.

Getting onto the highway, I found that there were tears in my eyes. Great. Now wasn't the best time to fight with Alice, when I needed all of the support I could get. But she honestly didn't understand the situation. She couldn't get her head around the fact that Edward and Jacob were right about neck and neck, and I had no clue how to sort things out.

Ugh. I wiped my eyes hastily, feeling like a baby, as Alice had called me out for earlier.

I really needed to vent, but the two people that I trusted the most were currently unavailable to vent to, in my book. Edward and Jacob, of course. Rosalie was out, once again hunting with Emmett, but she wasn't happy with me these days, anyway. Ever since I gave up the child, I had been getting the cold shoulder from her. Edward told me that I shouldn't worry about it; however, I was still sad that our brief friendship was over. But I was foolish to think that it would last.

The next best person to talk to would be Ang. But… I didn't think that I could talk to her about my personal life. After all, secret upon secret was involved in it, and I could hardly just go on and vent to her about it.

Could I?

Well, I didn't need to tell her the gory details. And Angela was a very perceptive, understanding person, and I was lucky to have her as a close friend. I didn't really need to tell her the particulars, I didn't have to. I could use metaphors and things like that.

This was an unseen change of events, but I rarely expected things to happen like they were supposed to anymore. Turning into a driveway and heading in the other direction, I realized that I already felt more optimistic about this whole situation, like I had already told her all of my worries and she had given me some advice. Hopefully, being the insightful person that she was, she would help me see the sides of the story that I possibly hadn't thought of yet.

Pulling into her driveway, I was relieved to see that her car was in the driveway, mercifully alone. Hopefully, that meant that she didn't have company- namely Ben.

Stepping onto her front porch, I took a deep breath and rang her doorbell, my heart beating a little bit faster than usual.

I waited for a second, and then I heard quiet footsteps behind the closed door, and Angela opened the large, mahogany door, peering out.

"Hey Ang," I greeted her, taking in her surprised expression. Suddenly, I began to second-guess myself. She was probably busy right now, and I would look like an idiot…

A warm smile spread across her face, and she opened the door a little wider, straightening up. "Hey, Bella, nice to see you. How's everything?"

I looked down at me feet, shifting my stance. "Oh, you know…" I replied lamely, not really able to say _good._

Angela frowned, tilting her head slightly. She immediately heard the tone in my voice. "Do you want to come in, Bella?" she asked me gently, like she sensed that something was up. I met her gaze, and I nodded gratefully.

"Yeah, Ang. I kind of… need to talk about something."

She nodded practically, her eyes softening up. "About what? Edward?"

She once again displayed her uncanny ability to see right through people's pretenses. I bit my lip, nodding once again.

"Yes, it is about Edward... and Jacob. Remember him?"

Realization clicked in her blue eyes. "Ah. I see. Well, some come in then, Bella, we can talk in my room."

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**Thanks for reading, please review**!


	4. The Best Kind of Advice

**Hey, I'm sorry for the delay everyone.**

**Personally, I love this chapter. Haven't seen much of Angela after eclipse, have we?**

**Anyways, here is the ...fourth? Maybe? lol. Anyways, the fourth chapter, people, please R&R!**

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Following Angela up to her room, I was grateful that I had someone l could trust like Angela, who was out of the loop but nonetheless very aware and understanding. Though I wasn't sure where this conversation would go, I was happy that I could at least get thing off of my chest without being judged.

Stepping in her bedroom, I took a look around, unsure where to sit. Seeing my confusion, she lead me over to what looked like a newly acquired set of large, cushion-like chairs in the corner of her room. They looked very comfy, and when I sat down, I was completely right. The pillow chairs were so soft, they were like a dream.

Folding her slender legs beneath her, Angela sat down after me, tucking a lock of hair behind one of her ears, waiting for me to start, and encouraging me with a smile.

I took a breath, wondering where to begin. "I'm not sure how to tell you…" I admitted, folding my hands. "I mean, the situation was kind of like a series of events that all went in the wrong direction."

Angela nodded expressionlessly. "Well, how about starting where all of the… drama? Is that a good word? Were the drama began."

I almost laughed out word. Drama was the perfect word for this mess.

"I guess that would be… the wedding ceremony." Angela's eyes tightened ever so slightly, but I continued on. "When everyone was dancing, Jacob came in somewhere in that time. And… he had been missing for awhile, so when he came back I was really happy to see him. I guess that didn't make Edward too happy, but he's never liked Jacob, and that's not really the point, anyways." I sighed, thinking harder. Angela was silent, waiting for me to assemble my thoughts. "When Jacob came back, he was always against Edward and I being together, physically and emotionally. So I got in a sort of jam…"

She leaned her head against her hand, staring at me intently. "What sort of jam?"

Oh. I hadn't told her about the child, had I? Come to think of it, I hadn't seen her since the wedding. So much had changed since then, it wasn't even funny.

"Um… hm. Well… I was… pregnant," I stumbled over my words, afraid of offending her. Her eyes widened, and her mouth fell open slightly. I hurried on. "I really didn't want to give up the child, Angela, I wanted to have a baby with Edward. The pregnancy wasn't expected, but the child was causing me problems health-wise, and it got really bad for awhile." I bit my lip, my eyes asking for forgiveness. "I'm sorry I never told you, but things have been in such a whirlwind since then that I didn't have time for chatting…"

For a couple of seconds, Angela was in shock- drama was a rare occurrence in Forks, and this had to be the all-rime record breaker. But she composed herself, and shook her head, her eyes still amazed.

"No, no, don't worry about it. I'm just glad you're okay…" she trailed off, her sincerity very real. I was touched by her genuine concern for me, and I went on.

"Yes, I'm fine now. Things got really nasty between the Cullen's, so Edward had Jake come in to try to talk me into getting rid of the baby. Everyone had tried to talk me out of it already, but I was stupid enough to not heed them." I sighed, and continued. "So Jake and I were talking, and he really got me to see the logic of the situation- I had to give up the child or face the serious concequence."

Angela's eyes were wide still, taking in this information, realizing the 'consequence'- death.

"So, I did give up the child eventually, and I healed." I stopped to think how I could word the catch to the situation. To an outsider, it would sound really shady and promiscuous.

"But…?" she probed, sensing that there was more to the juicy story.

I looked down at my hands, realizing that they were a bit clammy. I slid them together, trying to wipe off the sweat. Why was I reacting like this? And why were my eyes staring to prickle like I was going to cry? What was the matter with me? It was just Angela I was talking to…

But the tears started to well up, and I had to duck my head to hide them, embarrassed. Oh, why was I crying _now_?

Angela realized that I was on the verge of tears, and her hand reached out to touch my shoulder, very gently comforting me.

"It's all right, Bella, you can tell me. I won't… I promise I won't judge you for it." I looked up through my blurry vision, and saw her smiling kindly at me. "I know you're not a bad person on the inside, no matter what you've done."

How did I manage to get so lucky? Angela was an amazing person, though I didn't know if she was right about me being a good person. It sure didn't feel like I was one.

I sucked in a breath, choosing my words carefully. "Apparently, behind my back, Edward had asked Jacob a favor."

'Edward wasn't… er, well, Edward and I having a child was out of the picture, because it turns out that the complications that went on in my pregnancy was due to his… y'know," I ended awkwardly. Angela nodded, understanding.

"So, Jacob and I were and still are very, very close friends. He is someone that I can trust entirely. Well, apparently, when I was at my worst, Edward, in desperation, asked Jacob to save my life by offering his… services." I looked away, unable to meet her gaze. _ Oh please, Ang, don't make me say this…_

"Services?" she asked, perplexed. Ugh, so I had to say it.

"Edward was convinced that if I could have another child in return, I would give up the baby. So that's where Jacob came in." I looked up at her, but her eyes were still confused. "You know… he would… provide the child."

Once again, her mouth popped open, and her hair fell over her ear, settling on her shoulder. This was definitely the juiciest part of the story, and I almost cringed thinking about how different this conversation would be if I was having it with Jessica. I'd bet she'd be screaming or something.

"So… _Jacob _would be impregnating you?" she said slowly, trying to wrap her head around the thought. "Oh…_wow_."

I grimaced, and played with the hem of my jacket nervously. I saw Angela's eyes flicker to my stomach, as if to make sure I wasn't pregnant at this very moment.

"Yeah." I sighed, and wiped the moisture from my eyes. "So… what happened sounds so promiscuous and everything, but you have to understand that Jacob and I are so close, so it wasn't as hard to do as it seems. And Edward… he's such a good husband, and we are trusting in each other, so he was more or less fine with it, as long as I was safe and happy." I swallowed a lump in my throat.

Angela tucked the loose hair behind her ear again, her eyes careful. "So you really… _did_ do it with him, didn't you." She said it more like a statement than a question. I nodded sheepishly.

"Yes. But later I found out that it didn't work, and I wasn't pregnant. But this is where I come in and sound like a complete…slut." I sighed, guilt prickling in my stomach. "The feelings I felt for Jacob were starting to become more than friends, and we were already so close that it was almost inevitable that this would happen," I confessed in a rush, feeling like a criminal admitting a crime. It really wasn't far from that.

Angela let out a low whistle of astonishment. "Wow. This really is a jam, isn't it?" she commented in a low voice, shaking her head. "But… I kind of figured, by the way you were saying his name, that you had those feelings for him." Leave it to Angela to notice small things like that. I crossed my legs, folding my hands on top of my knees.

"Mmm, I didn't even notice that I was doing that," I commented conversationally. "But that's the gist of it, more or less. Now Jacob and I have feelings for each other, and Edward is not completely in the dark, here. I've been really uncomfortable lately, and he knows that we love each other." I placed my hand on my forehead tiredly. "But I'm at this part in life where I have to make a huge decision. Edward or Jacob, you know? Sadly, it really isn't an easy decision, which makes me feel so rotten for letting Edward down. But at the same time, I love Jacob." I shrugged helplessly, finishing my painful confession.

"Do you have any advice?" I asked meekly after a few seconds, meeting her thoughtful gaze. "You're the first person I'd come to for advice."

She smiledquietly, and held up her finger, motioning that I should wait for her to think. I sat back in my chair, keeping my eyes on her face.

She met my gaze, and straightened up, taking a deep breath. "Well, I know that you think you are horrible, but from a third-party observer, I think that this is something that should not be taken lightly, but at the same time you shouldn't be lingering on it as much as you do." She looked up at the ceiling, searching for the right words.

"With…love, it's something that should come naturally and, more importantly, _obviously._ You say that you're having a hard time deciding, but I think that you shouldn't think so much. Maybe you should just calm down and really just let things go, or let the chips fall where they may." Angela repeated, ironically enough, what Alice had told me to do earlier. "It seems like you really love both of them a lot, but maybe there is something about one of them that just stands a bit higher than the other, do you know what I mean?" I nodded, following along easily enough. She was making a lot of sense, truth be told.

"So what I'm saying is just live life for awhile and love both of them as much as you can. It may take a day, it may take a year, but I think you'll be able to find your answer if you stick around and do what your instincts tell you to. Don't be afraid to love them both, because how will you be happy if you deny yourself your feelings?" She smiled gently. "And do what you want to do, not what someone else thinks you should do."

Wow. Angela really had a knack to hit things right on the dot. She was right about the situation, of course; I was thinking to hard, I was worrying too much.

I returned her smile, utterly grateful for her help.

"Thank you so much Ang." I reached over to give her a hug, inhaling her light, floral perfume. "You've been an amazing friend to me."

She laughed lightly, and returned my embrace. "You're welcome, Bella. It's not good to let you're friends suffer." She let me go, and I stood up, preparing to leave. She straightened up as well, squeezing my hand lightly. "If you have anything you want to talk about again, I'm always open to listen."

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"Hello?"

"Hey, Jake."

A pause. "Bella? You're back already?" Surprised colored his husky voice, but it was a sort of nervous surprise, like he had hoped it was me, but was still nervous to hear my reaction. I was, after all, supposed to have made my decision already; I wondered how much sleep he had lost over worrying about who I'd choose. I stifled a yawn; I hadn't been getting much shut-eye lately, myself.

"Yes, I am. Listen, are you busy right now?"

Another hesitant pause. "Actually, I just got in from a patrol run with Seth. Um… so do you want to come over?" He cleared his throat, nervous once again.

I switched my cell phone to my other ear, turning into the La Push residence. I had gone directly from Angela's house to Jacob's, no desire to go back home or to the Cullen's. Edward wouldn't be back for another day, at least.

"Yeah, if that's okay. And hey, by the way," I added, figuring I'd just spit it out, to put him out of his misery. "I haven't made my decision yet, so this visit doesn't have any… significance. I just wanted to see you."

I could almost imagine the incredulous look on his face that followed the long silence on the other end of the phone.

"So…no need to sweat," I added, trying to break the quietness.

"You… _haven't decided?_ And so I've been worrying all of this time over _nothing_?" He said slowly, and then snorted. "Typical," he muttered, and I imagined him shaking is head. At least he wasn't mad.

"Sorry about that. Anyways, I'm on my way, so I'll see you in a few seconds."

"'Kay. Bye Bells."

"Bye."

I snapped my phone shut, and slid it into my pocket, mildly pleased and excited to see Jacob; it seemed like such a long time since I was enveloped in his bone-crushing hugs, since I'd touched his warm skin and kissed his smooth, full lips…

I shook my head; I was being pathetically giddy. Pulling into his driveway, I killed the engine and was not surprised to find Jacob waiting for me, leaning against the door with his arms folded across his developed chest. I fleetingly admired how his forearm muscles were clearly prominent, and how his large biceps rippled whenever he moved…

Ugh. Snapping out of my thoughts, I hopped out of my car, and Jacob strode out to meet me, reaching my car in no time, with his long legs and all. Slinging my purse over my shoulder, I stepped into his outstretched arms, automatically wrapping mine around his waist and squeezing him tightly. Ah, Jacob. He felt like home.

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**Ahh, Jacob. More of him next chapter :) :) Please review!**


	5. Not So Innocent

**Sorry for the delay, I was busy putting together a new story. Check it out, it's published now! Pure Jake/Bella.**

_**PLease R&R! (no updates from now on if chapter reviews don't exceed 10...)**_

**Thank you!**

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"So you mean to tell me that all of this time…"

"Shush, Jake. Alice already chewed me out before, no need to rub it in." I considered my words for a second, and backtracked grudgingly. "Though I probably do deserve it."

Jacob chuckled darkly, and shook his head, still in a reluctant awe. I sighed, and just nestled my head deeper into his chest, the guilt pricking in my stomach. I hadn't given much thought to the impaitence that both Edward and Jacob would feel when I had made a dramatic escape, only to come home more undecided then ever. It made me feel even worse, but at least Jacob wasn't being all sympathetic about my situation like Edward was earlier. The never-ending compassion was nice when you wanted to be reasurred, but not when you were just a rotten person in general. Then it made it worse.

"Naw, it's not that," he muttered, resting his chin on the top of my head. "It's just that you could have saved me a lot of worry. A lot of _unnececary _of worry," he reminded me lightly. I bit my lip, and met his gentle gaze aoplogeticly.

"I _am_ sorry Jacob. I really am. But I think it's better spending time with you than having to decide miles away from you." I snuggled closer to his warm body, and his muscular arm tightened around my shoulders. He chuckled quietly, and was cut off abrubtly by a huge yawn. I watched him with concern.

"You really _haven't_ gotten a lot of sleep, huh?" I mumured, reaching up to trace the shadows under his black eyes. He grimaced, and I took that as a conformation.

"Me neither," I muttered under my breath, and turned my head slightly so I could kiss his shoulder ruefully.

He sighed, and with his free hand, he reached over to cup my chin with his big, brown hand, tilting my face up to get a better look at me.

"I'm sorry too, you know. It's not the easiest thing you've ever had to decide," Jacob said, his voice grudgingly understanding. "But you know my feelings on this, so I don't really need to say them." He grinned. "Unless you need a reminder."

I rolled my eyes, but smiled a bit. "Yeah, yeah, I know how you feel. You're the better one, you are healthier for me, and you wouldn't give a crap if he dropped over dead. I get it." He laughed loudly, shaking his head, his shiny hair flopping in his eyes.

"You pretty much have it down," he chuckled, and messed up my hair affectionately. "But it's also that I've never left you, I never will, and it'll make Charlie so much happier."

"Charlie's a minor detail in this situation, Jacob, and you know it."

He snorted. "You're right. But still."

"But still," I agreed mutedly, yawning a second later. God, I was so tired. I could proabably fall asleep on Jacob's bed right here and now.

"We're kind of both a mess, have you noticed?" Jacob muttered after a few minutes of comfortable silence, the contageous yawning catching on. "Dog tired- no pun intended- and we have loads of realationship problems. To top it all off, we have… obligations. To family and friends. You know… I have my pack, and you have a husband." He sighed, and squeezed my shoulder reflexively. "Sticky situation. But I think it'll work out."

"I hope so," I agreed feverently, playing with a stray thread on the small loveseat's quilt.

He was quiet for a moment, and I let my thoughts wander aimlessly, not on anything to heavy or particular. I was comfortable, comfortable enough to go to sleep in his arms, but I refrained for a bit, forcing my eyes to stay open. I didn't want to go home just yet.

But soon, my eyes got uncomfortably heavy, and I stifled a yawn, suddenly inspired with an idea.

"Hey, Jake, do you want to sleep together?"

His head whipped around, his black eyebrows raising with shock. "You…what?" he asked, his voice subtely faltering. I backtracked hurriedly, correcting his assumption.

"No, not like _that_. Just honestly sleep." I looked up at his sleepy expression. "We could both use it."

His dark eyes were hesitant as he answered, weighing his options. "Well… I don't want to waste my time with you sleeping. I don't know… how much more of this alone time we're going to have."

I frowned, not liking the idea of that. "This definitely won't be my last visit, Jacob," I answered fiercely, staring into his eyes. Not seeing Jacob again would cause me phyisical pain, I was sure.

He appraised me, and I saw that he believe me. With an impish grin, he scooped me up into his arms, bridal-style, and carried me into his bedroom as easily as if I was a small child. I protested lightly, but I honestly didn't mind.

Dumping me carefully on the bed, he made his way around to the other side, lifting up the blankets and scooting in beside me, winding his arms around my waist. I sighed, and nestled up to his side, loving his comforting warmth.

After a few quiet minutes, I realized that being in bed with Jake again wasn't like I thought it would be. We used to just crash together, no thoughts of a sexual nature in our minds; or in my mind, at least. I thought it woul be easy to just fall asleep in his arms. But with his warm, musular body pressed against mine, I almost couln't resist. I know that sleep was not an option for me now, anyways.

Jacob's eyes popped open in response to my suggestive touch, and he chuckled after he got his bearings.

"Hey, hey now. I thoguht we weren't supposed to be doing anything," he protested lightly, but it didn't sound like he really cared. I grinned mischievously, and let my fingers stray. He made a low, quiet sound in the back on his throat, pressing his face into my hair, and held me tighter in response.

"I don't see you going to sleep," I laughed as he turned over on top of me. He rolled his eyes, and pressed his burnig hand against my cheek, which felt cold next to the heat he raidiatied.

"This was your idea," he muttered, a little breathless, as my finger's tighted their hold. True, it was. Jacob's fist curled on the bedcovers, his breathing hitching audiably.

Reaching back up, I undid the buttons to his pants, sliding them off with some help. Of course, my own clothes did not stay on my body for too long, either.

As we tangled in his bedcovers, I made sure to bury my face in his neck and inhale his woody, familiar scent, commiting it to memory. I planned to stick around for a long time, but if something came up and I didn't have this little fragment of memory to carry with me, I'd be devestated.

Kissing his full lips and touching his lean, built body had always set me off on a wild sort of frenzy, but it seemed like something was different this time. Maybe, it was the second time that was the charm. Or perhaps the fact that this time, we weren't… _obliged_. That this time it was unplanned, just pure love creating this spontaneous moment, and not a promise made beforehand.

Whatever it was, I was in love with it. And Jacob. I was in love with the force that pulled us together, that made it harder to pull away. I craved every inch of him, and was constantly amazed that I had this wonderful body all to myself.

When things finally reached the steamy edge, Jacob pulled back, breathing labored, and stared at me apologetically. I frowned, trying to catch my breath, a little irritated that he was pulling away _now_, of all times.

"What is it, Jake?"

"Bells, I don't have any condoms on me. We can't go on."

I let out a frustrated breath, and bit my lip. If I remembered correctly… I had stored the condoms Edward bought in my purse, which was presently under Jacob's bed. Reaching out from under Jacob, I leaned over the side of the bed, and extracted my purse, pulling out the small box of newly-purchased condoms.

Coming back up, I waggled the box in front of his face, triumphant.

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**JPOV**

Letting the strong wave of heat roll through me, I instinctively morphed into my canine form, standing now on four feet. Shaking my head to clear the lingering sensations, I started off along the western path of the perimiter, sniffing the air carefully, making sure to detect everything.

_Jake, bro, what gives?_

I sighed; of course I had company. It was Quil, and I sensed another person in my head, as well. Sam maybe?

_Yes, Jacob, it's me. May I ask where you have been on this 'short break' of yours?_

I could feel a slight pull to my head as two minds tried to enter mine, searching for an explanation for my absense. I growled, irritated. God, did they always have to do that?

_Butt out, guys, _I thought. I tried not to let the images of earlier overpower my mind, but they came anyways, inconveniently enough. Dammit.

_Whoa…Jake! That's…. _Quill struggled for words, too shocked to think clearly.

_A married woman, _Sam finished for Quill, his thoughts disaproving as he shifted through the memories. I sucked it up, and just took their thoughts quietly, not wanting to add to the situation by being all defensive and making up excuses. At least I knew when to keep my mouth shut.

_I always thought Bella was more… innocent, _Quil thought, chortling in a wolfy way to himself, as he came across a memory that happened to be my favorite part of the whole charade. _But man, that's pretty damn hot._

_You're lucky Seth's not with us, _Sam side-commented. _He's too young to see this kind of stuff._

I lenghtened my strides, breaking into a full-out run, comminting entirely to the patrol in order to try to ignore them.

_Jacob, I thought that aspect of your relationship with Bella was over for the time being, _Seth said, not harshly, but not exactly complimentary either. I sighed, slowing down as I finished my lap all too soon.

_Yeah, it was. But she came back and… it's kind of like we can't __**not **__be together that way now. She's gonna make a decision soon, and I don't want to just stand on the sidelines while he knocks her around, _I answered honestly. There was no point in me telling lies around my brothers. They would find me out soon enough, anyways. Quil was silent for once, listening in intently.

Sam thought that over, feelings of doubt and sympathy flooding his mind.

_I…see. Just do what's best for you, Jacob. Do what you must_, were Sam's parting words, as he dismissed me, allowing me to change back.

He just had no idea how damn hard that was.

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**Hope you liked it, sorry for the delay! PLease review! (no update if chapter does not exceed 10 reviews)  
**


	6. No More Love Triangles

**I am so sorry for the delay (how long has it been?! A month?) I came down with a serious illness and had to be hospitalized for about 2-3 weeks, and after that I went through recovery (I'm doing okay now) So thank you for sticking around, and here is the fifth chapter.

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"Hello?"

"Hey Jasper, its Bella. Is Edward there?"

"Hello, Bella. Yes, he's here. Would you like to talk to him?"

I closed my tired, heavy eyes, and nodded to myself. Did I? Well, I didn't have a choice now. I might as well take his anger for my walking out on Alice unannounced. "Yes, please."

"Hold on a- oh, here he is." I heard the faint sound of the phone being passed, and Edward's anxious voice came on.

"Bella, love?"

"Yes, Edward, it's me. Listen, I'm sorry that I ran out on Alice, and-"

"Bella, Don't even apologize to me." His voice was colored with upset, but not the kind that I was expecting. "It's Alice who should be apologizing to you. I am so sorry that she upset you like that." Edward's lovely velvet voice was utterly sincere, and it seemed like he was truly upset that she had snapped on me.

"I'm over it, Edward, really. Don't worry about it." I had honestly forgotten about our little tiff until I had returned home.

"Well, I'm just sorry that you had to go over to La Push to be comforted. Alice should be the one that is here for you."

I frowned, not taking in his words. "What do you mean by that, Edward? You know that Jacob's my best friend."

I heard his make a scornful sound. "You don't need to stoop so low as to go crying to Jacob. I'll always have an open ear, if you need to vent or whatnot. Alice should be there for you, too."

"Edward, I'm not stooping at all!" I raised my voice, my anger rising. Why was he acting like this? "What did Jacob do to deserve your criticism?"

"Jacob is hardly mature enough to deal with the… situation we are in. It might be better if you came to my family for legitimate advice." His tone was calm, but with a cool undercurrent.

My temper flared; this was not like him at all to compare himself to others. He was never competitive with this type of thing.

"Stop that!" I snapped, irritated. Edward's high-and-mighty attitude was making me angry. "Don't talk about him like that!"

There was a very short silence on the other end. "Well, I can see that I can't put any sense into you… but anyways, are you home right now?"

I unclenched my jaw slowly. "Yes," I answered shortly, not giving him an invitation.

"May I come over?"

I let out a frustrated sigh. Staying mad was not one of my strengths, especially when it was him that I was angry at. "Fine. Charlie's here, so use the window."

"Thank you. I'll see you in a second."

"Are you already on your way over?" Incredible.

"Yes."

"Alright…Bye."

I pressed the end button on the cell phone, and snapped my phone shut. Opening my bedroom window, I stuck my head out into the cold air, inhaling deeply. The autumn was just starting, and the air was chillier than usual. I shivered slightly, but it felt good; spending so much time with Jacob, and in such close contact, the heat could be overwhelming.

Though my conversation with Edward had been short, it was still bugging me. It had been so completely unlike him; his voice, cold and under control, his arrogant persona and the way he completely disregarded the way that I felt about Jacob. Before any kind of romance, Jacob _was_ my best friend, and Edward had insulted him. It infuriated me, but it worried me more than anything.

The whoosh of air that passed across my left side and the change in temperature alerted me of his presence before I felt his cold breath on my neck, his lips touching me there. I shivered against the cool temperature.

"That was fast."

"I hurried," he replied, a smirk in his velvety voice. "I missed you."

I sighed. It _had_ been a two day hunting trip, but a ripple of sudden guilt went through me as I realized that I had hardly missed him at all. Truthfully, I hadn't forgot about him, but there had been so much stress that it was hard to keep him on my mind. Nevertheless, remorse welled up in the pit of my stomach, and I swallowed uncomfortably.

Edward took note on my tense stance, and he spun me around gently. His eyebrows pulled over his butterscotch eyes as he assessed my expression that I tried to smooth out.

"Is something the matter?" he asked in a low voice, touching my cheek with his icy hand. I shuddered, but he didn't pull it away; instead, he reached behind me wordlessly, closing the window where the cool draft was coming out of.

"Oh, um, no, nothing. I'm just…stressed," I lied, as convincingly as I could, offering him a smile. In truth, it had some reality to it. He paused for a moment, his expression unreadable, and then he swept his hand along the length of my neck.

"I can fix that," he murmured, leaning towards me, pressing his snowy lips to mine. I went along with it for a moment, trying to find some way to tell him nicely that I wasn't in the mood. To my surprise, Edward pulled away before I did, his hands tighter on my body than before.

"Edward, what is it?"

I caught sight of his reaction, and I gasped out loud. A strange, confused look had crossed his face, mingling with shock as his mouth parted with slow, realizing dread. I waited, my eyes wide was well, unsure of his bizarre reaction.

"Edward?!"

It looked like he was trying to grasp coherency, opening his mouth and then closing it again, words escaping him. I waited in anxious silence until he finally spoke up in a low voice.

"You. Taste. Like. A. Dog."

Oh. I was so busted.

He let out a low hiss. "So how did your visit with Jacob go? Did he 'comfort' you enough?" Edward glared at me, his jaw set defensively. "Need I check your undergarments and see if they have a wet dog smell?" He gestured to my body. "I can already smell him on your shirt!"

I couldn't look at him after that. I shoved my hands in my pockets and stared numbly at the carpet, concentrating on the texture of it to distract myself, to keep myself from bursting into tears.

I heard him exhale loudly, frustrated. I felt the moisture prick at my eyes, and I tried to will them down.

"Bella, please look at me."

II let out a small sound. It was something like denial.

"Bella…." I could hear the grimace in his voice. "All right, you don't have to look at me, if that's what you prefer. But just answer me this; why did you just… sneak around behind my back like that?"

The hurt and frustration was apparent in his silken voice, and I nudged a bit of carpet with my toe, wondering how to phrase my strong emotions.

"Edward, I do feel… utterly rotten. Understand that, please." I forced myself to look up. "But Jacob… he's just…" I trailed off, struggling with words.

"A conniving mutt?"

My eyes narrowed. "Hardly. He's…well, we're kinda in deep with each other right now, and I don't see an easy way out. And today, I was perfectly prepared just to visit him, to hang around or watch television or something not like that." I begged him to understand with my eyes. "Things just got overwhelming."

Edward's lip twitched irritably, but his face didn't change too much. I could tell that he was warring with himself, taking in my words and processing them. He was vainly trying to make sense of my infatuation with Jacob.

I could tell that the words that came out of his mouth took a great deal of courage to say out loud. "Are you implying that there is no… hope for us? That all of us will be fighting this war that will never be won by either side?" He shook his head, still slightly in shock. "I don't want a fate like that for you or me."

"I don't either, but I don't see a way out of this, Edward!"

"You and Jacob were fine as friends. Can't you go back to that?

I clenched my teeth in frustration. "No, that's the point! I would in a heartbeat if I could, but I love him in a completely different way now!" I let out an aggravated breath.

Edward's nostrils flared. "So it's just impossible to stop sleeping with Jacob then?" he retorted sarcastically.

My eyes narrowed; this temper was so unlike him. Ordinarily, he was more understanding and calm. I understood his anger completely, but the sarcasm and malice was uncharacteristic when we fought.

Taking a deep breath, I could tell that he had run out of most of his steam. His tense stance was slightly more relaxed, and he had unclenched his taught jaw. The conflict was still apparent in his buttery golden eyes.

"I have a feeling that all of this tension isn't about the agreement anymore, or the baby. Am I right?" I inquired.

He nodded. "That is the least of my problems light now. It's evident that you're actions with Jacob are no longer for the cause of pregnancy." His eyes tightened. "Merely pleasure."

I didn't answer. Anything I said at this point, he already knew everything he needed to. There was no point in pointing out facts that would simply cause him pain. His pain, my pain. There was no escaping it, no matter who I loved.

Several thoughts crossed my mind, and I opened my mouth a couple times to try and voice them, but I stopped every time, faintly remembering a saying that went along the lines of 'When in deep water, it's a good idea to keep your mouth shut.' The saying seemed to fit along very well with this situation. Excuses would get me nowhere, and besides, lying was not my strong point, as he knew fully well.

After a long silence in which we merely stared into each others troubled eyes, Edward let out a gusty breath, breaking free from my gaze and rumpling up his bronze hair.

"Well, the way I see it Bella, I have three choices."

I gulped, déjà vu hitting me. In the movie 'The Notebook', when Allie cheats on Lon and he says the same exact words, with the follow up of, 'One, I can shoot him. Two, I can kick the crap out of him. Or three...I leave you.' I hoped that it was not the direction Edward was going in this conversation.

"I could let you go on with this, and turn a blind eye to what's going on. It may just be me, but that doesn't really seem fair."

'I could also 'take care' of Jacob, if you know what I mean."

I let out a small choking sound of despair. He went on.

"Or, I could just let you decide." His golden eyes bored into mine with a sudden intensity. "But it would have to be soon, because I've decided fairly recently that I'm not going to take anymore of this mad love triangle. You're my wife, and I love you more than anything. But it's hurting me too, and I don't think we can make it work if we're not both happy with the arrangement." His eyes gentled, and he took my hand, and unexpected gesture. "I do love you, Bella, and I want you to choose me. But just… make sure that you make the right decision."

I bit my lip, moisture pricking precariously at my wide eyes. "I don't… I mean…" I trailed off, not sure about what I wanted to say. "Mmm. Alright, I will." I sighed, wiping at the brimming tears in my eyes. "I love you, too. I'll try to make a decision."

He bent down to kiss my forehead. "Thank you."

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**Thanks! Please review**


	7. Is Everything just a Joke to You!

**Hello!- IMPORTANT MESSAGE BELOW!  
**

**I have an important message. Earlier, I mentioned that I had an illness that was not yet fully taken care of. Well, there is now a possibility that a minor tumor of some sort is growing near my back, and I'm going to go through surgery to get it removed. There is low risk, since the tumor is in its early stage, so there is little need to worry. But, after this, I'm not going to be able to update for awhile, because I will be (hopefully) recovering. Thank you for sticking around and for showing me your support.**

**Here is a part of the next chapter, it's better than nothing hopefully! (though it does have a couple errors, I'm sure). I will update as soon as I can. Thanks!**

Stalking into the front hallway, I slammed the front door and possibly left a dent. The calm mask that I had put on for Bella was crumbling, a frown replacing the slight smile that I had forced on my face. I had told her that I was okay, but I had lied. Lied right through my teeth.

I _hated_ Jacob Black. Absolutely loathed him for what he did with my wife. But I hated myself even more.

I threw my jacket on the hook, and Alice flitted over, her thoughts curious and worried. I made a move to slide past her, up the stairs, but she blocked me, her skinny arms folded across her chest.

_You owe me an explanation. _

"I don't owe you anything!" I snapped, moving to the other side, shifting my weight. She blocked me again, annoyingly enough. I clenched my teeth; I was certainly _not_ in a chatting mood.

_Someone's__ a little irritable._

"Someone is going to snap very soon if their irritating sister doesn't move in precisely five seconds!"

Alice stuck her tongue out at me. "Just tell me!"

I let out an exasperated breath, shooting her a long death glare. She just glared right back, refusing to back off.

"Fine. We had an argument. End of discussion. Now please let me by."

Alice snorted. "Not a chance. Just looking at you, I can tell that there is more." She shook her head.

"What does it matter to you?"

"I'm serious, Edward, I just want to know!"

A long, tense silence ensued, in which she bombarded me with mental persuasions, accusations, and numerous threats to vocalize some of my secrets that she had stumbled upon if I didn't satisfy her craving for gossip. I just took it all with my jaw clenched and my face blank, until she gave up with a huff.

"Edwaaarrrd," Alice whined. "Don't make me have to look into to the future to find something that is so simple."

I flashed her a fiery glare, a growl building in my chest. "Don't you dare look into the future. I don't want to know."

Her thin brows shot up, and a smile played on her lips. "Don't you? That sounds very unusual, for you. Usually, you're practically on the ground begging me for outlooks on her future."

The growl came up and out of my chest, grating and sharp. "Dammit, Alice, is everything just a joke to you?" I snorted humorlessly, coming out more like a scoff. "My marriage is in jeopardy, and yet you stand here and _**mock me**_? My wife is slowly loosing interest in me and _yet_ you push her buttons, driving her out of the house and into his arms?!" I could feel a snap coming on, a breaking point that had been building inside of me for several weeks now. This had been the last straw.

My family that had been hovering on the sidelines throughout our argument now stepped forward. Jasper went to stand next to his wife, and Carlisle took a hesitant step forward, his thoughts conflicting and ill at ease, but he didn't interfere. Emmett and Rosalie stood a few feet away, accompanied with Esme. They must have sensed my snap, as well.

Alice flinched clearly offended, even though I had just revealed to her what had happened. "Don't you go blaming your problems on me, Edward!"

"Why not? It _was_ you who insulted Bella, was it not?"

"Well, it's not me who is a paranoid, deranged control freak!" she spat at me.

A snarl rose out of my chest, and I tensed, my fists clenched. Who exactly did she think she was, insulting me like that?!

"What is that supposed to mean?!" I demanded, taking a menacing step towards her. Automatically, Jasper stepped around Alice, right in between us, naturally shielding her. I wouldn't dare go as far as he thought I would go; however rude and annoying she was, I would not attack a woman.

_Hey now, Edward. Back off, _Jasper cautioned me gently, sending me calming waves, quailing my fit of anger slightly. Though it forced me to cool my head, I still felt an undercurrent of anger, churning against the artificial serenity that had been forced upon me.

**Thank you, I will update this chapter as soon as possible.**


	8. I'm Not Telling

**Hey :)**

**I'm back, and feeling well. Or better. Or whatever. As good as you're gonna feel when you had a foot-long incision on your back...  
Anyways, sorry for the wait, again. But I promise, I'll get going a lot faster now that this whole ordeal is over (hopefully)**

**Please enjoy :)**

**(P.S.- This chapter picks up from where I left off on the last chapter, so if you don't remember what's going on, which is understandable, check out the last chapter**)

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Inhaling deeply, I cooled my head. Carlisle had silently stepped forward, and extended his hands towards me, resting on my shoulder.

"Edward, all of us are just…worried about you," Carlisle began, his wise, dark golden eyes serious. I waited for him to go on. "You're blaming this whole mess on yourself. Bella is just like family to all of us-" he shot a warning glance at Rosalie,"- but you have to realize that she has much to blame, as well. You all do. Jacob Black has part in this too, remember. You made that agreement earlier." He shook his head sadly, golden hair flopping into his eyes. "You must think about these things before you decide."

I listened halfheartedly. I already had hard most of it, except for the fact that Carlisle was wrong on many accounts. _I_ was the one to blame. But I didn't feel like bringing up an argument over something that no side would agree on.

"What are you getting at?" I asked, realizing that he must have some lead on his sermon.

Carlisle sighed tiredly, looking around our family carefully before continuing. "You know that we love Bella, Edward. So very much. She is our daughter now, more or less." I narrowed my eyes, immediately suspicious of his persuading tone. He faltered for a moment, taking in my expression. After a moment, he went on.

"But we're not sure… that she's doing much good for you now. That perhaps it would be best if you went your separate ways." Carlisle cut off my furious words that were forming on my lips. "Now, wait before you jump to conclusions, Edward! Just think of _yourself_ for a moment, here, at least this one t-"

"Have you _completely lost it_? Do you have any _inkling_ of a memory, of what happened to the both of us when I left her?!" I threw up my hands, daring him to deny it. Carlisle dropped his hand that was on my shoulder. I had officially snapped, words lashing out like venom. "It would be like that all over again! And if you really do care for my sanity, I _suggest_ you keep your ridiculous fantasies to yourself, because right now, that little fantasy of yours would do more harm than damage!!"

Carlisle's peaceful expression hardened over, and Esme looked on worriedly, wringing her hands. The rest of my family watched on in complete disbelief. Never in my whole existence had I blown up at Carlisle like that. No one had.

"Edward, I have every intention to help you, but when you put up your defenses like that, it makes it a lot harder to facilitate," Carlisle said in a low tone, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "And right now, _you_ are your worst enemy."

"What does _that_ mean?!"

"It means that, and I didn't think I would say this, but it is your attitude that is driving people away," Carlisle interjected, shaking his head when I went to interrupt. "Not so fast. You have changed, and it's not for the better. You're not like you used to be. Now, you seem… more aggressive."

Ah. It was true. I had made a promise to myself that in order to win Bella back, I would in fact change my persona, wishing to imitate Jacob's aggressiveness. But I didn't see why everyone was making such a big fuss out of it.

"What do you propose I do about that?"

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Bella P.O.V.

"Dammit!" I yelped, drawing my hand back hastily and examining the damage. I was usually uncoordinated, but when I had things on my mind, I was absolutely lethal, to myself and anyone and anything around me.

There was a knock on the door, and Charlie's voice came from the hallway.

"Bells? You allright in there?"

I sighed heavily, wincing to myself. "Yep, I'm fine. Just stapled my finger to the paper." I'd had worse.

There was what sounded like a muffled chuckle coming from the door. I glared at nothing in particular; he really shouldn't find his daughter's lack of coordination a laughing matter, especially when it involved pain on my part. "Well, I'm off to work. Do you want me to pick up anything on my way home?"

"No, thank you." Gingerly, I pulled the little silver staple out of my finger, my stomach churning uneasily as a little drop of blood appeared at the tip of my finger.

A pause. "All right. See you later."

"Bye."

After I heard his footsteps fade, and the front door slam shut, I got up to hunt around for a band-aid. We had to have a box around here somewhere... I slammed cupboards, rummaging around, and finally found a little Rite-Aid box of antibacterial strips. Those would have to do.

When I was finally back in my room, re-stapling my essay with more caution than necessary, I heard a car pull up. It wasn't Charlie; the engine was much too quiet. I jumped up from my chair, knocking it over in the process, and stumbled over to the window, throwing open the sheer curtains.

A beautiful yellow Porsche was smoothly coming to the halt, right behind my truck.

What the heck was Alice here for? The last time I had seen her, we had had a major blowup. Was she here to yell at me some more?

I wrenched open my door, and pounded down the stairs. Throwing open the front door, I made my way over to her car, slowing my pace as my nerves got the better of me. There was music playing, and she looked calm enough, so I peered around the front of her car, waiting anxiously for her to get out. Instead, she rolled down her window, sticking her spiky-haired head out. Her expression was neither angry nor particularly happy, so I figured that I was safe for the moment.

"Get in the car, Bella. I'm kidnapping you for the day." She patted the luxurious leather seat beside her.

I raised my eyebrows incredulously. Hadn't we had this conversation already? I started to calculate my chances of escaping.

She seemed to get the gist, and her eyes narrowed menacingly. "Don't make me drag you."

I let out a gusty sigh. What was the point of fighting with a vampire? They always got their way.

"Alice... I thought we agreed that _you_ weren't allowed to kidnap me."

A hint of a smile crossed her elfin face, and it seemed like our fight was over. "I'm breaking the rules. Edward said it was okay."

Edward would have hell to pay later, I was sure. "I'll get my purse."

* * *

"So, any particular reason for this spontaneous shopping spree?" I asked, watching Alice expertly thumb through a rack of jeans. She pursed her pink lips, and selected a pair of dark-wash skinny jeans, holding them up to my body.

"Later, later," she murmured, sounding distracted. Her slender brows puckered as she thought of something, but I decided not to comment. I decided to switch to a seemingly easier topic.

"Alice... we have so much," I said, looking down at the numerous articles of clothes dangling from her skinny but iron-strong arms. She was silent for a long moment, turning to a rack behind her and choosing a gorgeous ivory v-neck. Finally, slinging it over her arm along with the jeans, she looked up at me with her wide eyes, her expression careful.

"I guess I can tell you... the gist of it." She sighed, and shrugged some clothes off of her shoulders, handing them to me. "Here. We can walk while we talk."

I slung them over my arm, and followed Alice out of the endless isles, and into the main section of the designer store. Alice made a beeline to the jewelry section, and I followed wordlessly, waiting for her broach. I noticed that she was walking slowly, for her, and it made me nervous.

"Alice?"

"Okay, Bella. I figured since we both know how I feel about your fashion-" I grimaced "- I would need to supply you before I... go." She looked up at me apologetically. I frowned, not comprehending.

"Okaaaaayy..." I said, confused. "But that doesn't explain why you're stocking me up on all these clothes if you're just going on a hunting trip."

Alice bit her full bottom lip, like she didn't want to say something. "You know what? I'm not gonna tell you."

I groaned in frustration as she pretended to lock her lips. "Allllliiiccce," I whined. "That's not fair. I don't understand."

She change her expression, taking on a firm end-of-story expression. "I've decided that now's no the time. I don't want to spoil the shopping trip."

I snorted. "Because I'm already having such a ball."

She glared at me, and I sensibly shut up, putting a smile on my face before she ripped my head off. Literally.

* * *

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